Hey. Syawn here.
There’s something I’ve noticed about being fictional in your world. And that is that fandoms will take liberties with one’s love life. They’ll decide who you’re really with, who you should be with, and that you should be with them.
Now, I’m not saying that I mind. I certainly can’t protest too hard–I’ll admit that I’m in my own fandoms, and I have my own favorite ships therein, as recently expressed. I’m simply very curious about what will become of myself and my fellow characters once I get my long-awaited fandom. I await the speculations and insistence with equal parts anticipation and trepidation.
I have my canon girlfriend, sure, but she’s not actually around for most of my story. Of course, there aren’t really many other female characters cropping up around me in my story. Mysst is nine years old–I really hope none of my future fans are that sick–and the rest of the chicks are super bit-characters. That one archer bandit was kind of hot, but safety and expediency demanded that I kill her before I could really even chat her up, so that goes nowhere.
Of course, I’m more than aware that there will be liberties taken with my orientation, so the number of women around doesn’t really matter. (I’m sure it won’t help anything that I’m the sort of straight that wouldn’t consider it impossible to bend under certain pressures. Kinsey one-and-a-half.)
So who might you ship me with? And since ship names are stupid fun, what might you call it?
Rowtan? He’s old and prone to monologues. I mean, not old-old, but still, almost twice my age, and a… well, honestly! He’s the former Head of Kapatak’s Mage’s Guild. That makes me uncomfortable. That makes me uncomfortable enough platonically–I especially wouldn’t like to be vastly overpowered in bed. It’s just not safe.
Kore Mark? Ugh. Please don’t. Giant men with silvery beards and pony tails and a streak of bitterly smoldering violence? They can feel perfectly free to exist in any love life they like save mine. Even the Mynore women are a bit big and blocky and angry for me; the men are entirely out of the question. But that doesn’t mean you won’t go there, people of earth. If you ship Dobby and Harry, you’ll ship anything.
Doen? Meh. Again with the old men. Tirzah, why do you write so many old men? Old men and a child. Were you going out of your way to avoid having to write sexual tension? Yeesh. At least my sequel promises better on that front. But anyway, Doen would be a joke. The man’s a suspicious old backwoods sheriff. A woodcarver. Way too boring for me. At least the Mynore have rebellion on the brain.
Because people are whacked, why not ship me with a unicorn? Again, I cite Hobby or Darry or whatever earth-people call it when such things crawl out of their imaginations. I would begin to list the reasons this wouldn’t even work, but Tirzah won’t let me, because spoilers, apparently. Gracious, people, it’s not like it’s even a pretty unicorn! It looks like a… a big white highland cow-thing with a single horn. No. Just no.
~ Now, I’ll take a fanciful moment to dream up some Valentines I would actually like to have… and hope that somewhere, someday, some fan of mine will ship me with them. If I saw fanart or terribly written crossover fan-fiction of this, I would know I had so, so arrived. ~
Soufflé girl, you are sweet stuff. If anyone wants to ship me with Clara Oswin Oswald, I will kiss their hand unless they are an angry, hairy giant. Those anime eyes with the long dark hair, the cleverness and the just-right curves. I’d certainly try to do the impossible, girl.
The Black Widow. I’d sail that ship. ‘Nuff said, I should think.
(In case you’re like “Wha…?” with the “fox” ship names, I should explain yet again that in my native tongue, Syawn means fox.)
Arwen Evenstar. Elven daughter of the ruler of Rivendell. Who am I even kidding? Still, a lowly thief lord protagonist can dream. With crossfic, all things are possible.
Okay. I’m mostly jesting with this one. Mostly. But if someone wrote that fic or drew that pic, I would not object. That’s all I’m sayin’.
~ In the meanwhile, I am locked in an author’s brain without my girlfriend or any of the characters listed on my little dream-ship list. Happy Valentines Day to me! If you’re feeling pathetic and lonely, feel free to ship us and tell me about it below.
It’s bound to be more fun than crying into a bowl of ice cream, and less pathetic than daydreaming about fan fictions that haven’t been written by fans that don’t exist yet. ~